Friday, October 16, 2009

Confession Time.

I have a confession.

This week sucks.

Between being suppper stressed out all day Tuesday and announcing my huge news to everyone Wednesday, and finally all of you on Thursday and a foot injury (that I don't think I've mentioned) it's been a bad week.

Recap on the foot:
Sunday I had a 3 mile neighborhood run scheduled. Towards the end of the run, I noticed my right foot starting to hurt right below my ankle and on the underside of the foot. Weird, I thought. Monday it was a little sore, but I still went to spin class. By Monday night, I couldn't walk. I was hobbling around and limping and in serious pain. The pain seemed to be coming from my bone so I was just SURE that I had a stress fracture. That really stressed me out, just adding to why Tuesday was such a hot mess. I decided on Tuesday that I would take a few days completely off exercise and if by Friday it didn't feel better, I'd go to the doctor.

But, since Tuesday I CAN'T keep food out of my mouth. Healthy or not healthy, I can't stop eating. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's mental, or emotional or actually my body thinks it's still working out so it needs food - but I've been AWFUL the past few days. And every day I wake up and vow that I'm done and back to my normal routine and diet, and I have a great breakfast, but then something happens and I just start eating. I haven't been tracking my calories, but thankfully I don't think I've been THAT high. I know I'm over my limits, but not by much. But the quality of what I'm eating isn't good. I'm not eating a lot of fruits/veggies. I'm definitely not getting enough water. And I'm way overdoing the salt because I've been nonstop swollen since Tuesday. I was so dehydrated yesterday and couldn't get water in my body fast enough that I had some gatorade because I was that miserable!

I get home every night and I can't work out and I've been exhausted so I just lay on the couch and watch TV ALLLLL night. I hate this! Why am I doing this? I've been so tired, so out of energy, haven't been sleeping at night. These are all blatant reminders of exactly why I eat healthy and exercise and have changed my priorities, but this week I just haven't been doing it. I can't wait to work out again. Seriously, I don't know if I'll ever take exercise for granted again. I've been moody, upset, depressed, negative because I'm not working out and not eating well. I can't take it anymore!

Today is hard for me. I decided this morning to stop hiding and just tell people. Tell everyone I'm having a hard week and hope that it gives me a reason to stay on track. Today is my day to get back on track. But tonight, I already have plans to go out for Mexican food before a concert with friends. Believe me, I can make my meal as healthy as possible - but it just makes me not want to! It gives me an excuse to feel like it's okay to eat poorly all day. BUT IT'S NOT!

Part of the problem, and I should have known this going into this week, is that I don't have much fresh food. Since Matt and I are trying to drain down our can and frozen veggie stash, I didn't buy much fresh food. Somehow when I don't have fresh food that has a "freshness window", and therefore needs to be cooked, I find myself slipping more. I can't wait to get some of this frozen food cooked so I can go back to my fresh fruits/veggies! Yes I need to have some frozen food on hand at all times, but maybe I'm not going to focus SO much on it because I'm just sabotaging myself now.

Today I didn't' bring my lunch. That was not a good idea, but seriously I couldn't think of a thing I had that I wanted to eat at home so I told myself I'd get a subway sandwich for lunch. But now I'm SO tempted to get pizza from my work cafeteria because it's only $1 a slice and I'm on a strict budget now that I'm going back to school. BUT I won't allow it. Subway it will be. Healthy (er.. I wouldn't call subway healthy really) food it will be. I will make dinner healthy. I am acknowledging my problem and I need everyone's help to get back on track please!

My foot, by the way, feels a LOT better. Actually, every day I stay off of it it feels even better the next day. Since I had already planned to take today off exercise I'm giving it one more day and will do something tomorrow. I'm not sure when my next run will be. I was supposed to run a very fun 5K next Thursday so hopefully I'm back 100% by then and can run it!

I just hate that everything for me is black and white. Either I'm working out hard and eating very well and things are great, or I'm doing none of it. I never feel like I can balance the food without the exercise. And since exercise is CRUCIAL for me and my well-being, I always try to eat well to fuel the workouts. But, I'll keep working on it. I'll remember that I'm not perfect. And I'll remember that in the long-run, this week means nothing. It's just a blip and I'll get over it!

Healthy life is a marathon, not a sprint.

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